No pleasing aesthetic here..
I’ve been unlearning a lot of things that I had come to believe as true about God and going through a journey of rediscovery. Recently, whilst processing some painful emotions, I was thinking about where God fits in the process of emotional healing. I mean surely with the way He has been portrayed He couldn’t possibly fit in the messy process of pain and healing. What about other people ? Where do they fit ? What about ourselves ? Where do we fit in the process of our own healing ?.. I’ve had a lot of questions..
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
Its messy business
We often struggle with healing because we hide the parts of ourselves that are still messy and are healing and we give the parts that we feel are polished enough. We do this with God, we do this with the people around us and we do this with ourselves. There is a general obsession with keeping an aesthetically pleasing look.. meaning ?.. well basically we do not want to show the messy side of ourselves. We are afraid to face it. We are afraid to admit to it.. we are afraid to show it.
“Deep calls to deep at the noise of your waterfalls…” Psalms 42:7 WEB
I’ve been learning that our walk with God can become limited to this as well. As long as we go to church and we do the generic “Christian” things then we stop digging deeper.. but God constantly shows His intense interest in all that we are. He wants us to know ourselves on a much deeper and more intimate level and to also know Him on a deeper level than the picture of Him that has been portrayed… deep calls unto deep (This is a post for another day)
“If you desire healing,
let yourself fall ill
let yourself fall ill.”
If you are, like me, going through a process of healing. Don’t hide from it. Remember God Himself displayed pain on the cross and made wounds a roadway to intimacy with Him. Ignore trying to control the aesthetic for a quick second.. and deal with those wounds. It’s hard to heal a wound that you suppress. Let it hurt. Find people that are safe places and let it show.. talk about it (got this advice from an overthinker)… That same pain is a pathway to some really beautiful parts of yourself.